The Cousin of Death 😴

“Jen, why do you sleep all of the time?” It was a valid question after all. She no longer desired to hang out with the crew like she did in the past. She was often found in her bed. All throughout the day.

“Sleeping is my safe place. Not only am I devoid of chaos, no one can bother me while I’m asleep. There’s nothing to figure out. There’s nothing to fix. I can be alone. I can experience a peace that I do not have while I am awake. I feel loved. I feel safe. Sleep takes care of me.”

Matt marinated on what she just disclosed for a moment. As he pondered what she may be attempting to escape, he realized that her logic made a lot of sense. Unfortunately for him, her logic also removed the one person whom he wanted in his life. It was not the best case scenario for him.

Matt desired more from Jen than what she was willing to give him. Maybe he has just not demonstrated his worth within her life at this time. Or maybe, she has not realized how much he fits in her life, aside from sleep. Nevertheless, Jen triggered feelings in Matt that he was unfamiliar with.

He daydreamed of a life with her. Unfortunately, she was inundated with the nuances of life. Not the joys. Which is what he wanted to share with her. Matt thought a moment and decided to use a trick that he rarely used. He decided to transpose himself into Jen’s dream world. That way, he could be with her in her dreams which would eventually translate into real life. Hopefully.

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Mr. Assault on Love

It is not like he gave me anything. Anything of worth that it is. The abundance of wealth never interested me. It was the lack of patience, the lack of humility and the lack of honor which got under my skin. Time and time again.

Withholding love is the worst assault against mankind without any type of physical injury. It teaches one that they are unworthy of such love. That they are unworthy of an experience that could improve upon their life. Love.

He was stingy. Stingy with his time. Stingy with his affection. Stingy with his care. Stingy with communication. Starving me of the affection I so needed and desired. He was stingy.

Mark Adams was his name; however, Mr. Assault on Love would better suit him. As if caring were an offense. And he warranted immediate jail time as a result.

There’s really no real reason for why Mark was the way that he was. It would be easier to blame it on his affluent parents whom spoiled him with trips to the Hamptons and Belize. No, no, it was really just Mark was disinterested in caring. He shunned love like the plague. As if it were some infectious disease he’d rather live without.

Mark was an only child who grew up with two nannies. He attended boarding school for much of his life. After he graduated, he chose to take two years off to travel the world alone. Backpacking to places his affluence would frown upon. Yet, he chose to rough it. Leaving any hint of arrogance behind.

Mark Adams eventually chose a small liberal arts school to attend after his travels. He knuckled down and graduated in three years, swiftly moving on to pursue his law degree. Mark Adams pursued a simple and uncomplicated life. Not one mired by feelings and regret.

He came to me in a dream, initially, and eventually materialized in front of me. It happened at my favorite coffee shop. Known for flippant baristas and non-trendy coffee. Full fat everything with a side of sarcasm. How I like it!!!

Mark grabbed my drink and walked away. I yelled out to him and he looked up at me with rude eyes. …. And the rest, is history shall we say. He has been a fixture in my life for three years now. Only allowing me as close as a prisoner to the warden who insists he remains on lockdown.

Maybe I am foolish for accepting the challenge of fighting Mark for his heart. Yet, the years have weighed on me and I am finally considering my needs. What’s best for me essentially.

Mr. Assault on Love has won and forced me to find a love of my own.

Adam: 1

Me: 0

War on love 💔





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Broken Hearts Club ♥️

They met up, as they usually did, same time same place. The place where broken hearts meet. However, it only encompassed two people.

They were the broken hearts club. Those two. The only two who were committed to understanding themselves.

That, in and of itself, allowed them to meet each other. They were two people who deserved a true love. One unfiltered and unblemished by society’s ills. A pure love.

They deserved something more than what broke each of them. And, in that truth, they met. The broken hearts club. Where two people meet and will eventually fall in love. Serendipitously.

Adam and Erica were fair skinned. Beautiful people. They were of an elite class yet managed to fall under the spell of lust. A lust which tricked them out of their hearts.

Sheltered from the world, they were unaware of the ills in the world. As they lightly traipsed the landscape and left star dust anywhere they travelled, lust had its way with both of them. Handing them a fresh taste of reality that they’d no sooner forget. Bitter. Raw. Lust.

“I want what the fairytales told me would happen for me,” whispered Erica. She glanced at the night. The darkness littered with stars. She could feel Adam’s warmth. He was sincere and trustworthy, so she knew he’d never laugh at her dreams. Even though she secretly laughed at herself for believing in fairytales.

Adam sighed. He too hoped he’d have what all fairytales promised. He couldn’t admit it to Erica, as he didn’t want to seem soft. Yet, he wanted a family. A stable life. Something reliable. Not just for the moment.

“The stars often tell a story. One beyond our understanding,” Erica lamented.

As they lay, with their backs firmly against the earth. They both, lost in their thoughts, wondered how their lives managed to become so mangled. Out of control.

“I can be your knight in shining armor, you know,” Adam mumbled.

A stunned Erica closed her eyes and sighed in disbelief. She’d known Adam for about six months and he’s never given her any inclination that he was attracted to her. In the least.


Adam became quiet. As if the night would continue to convey his intentions. However, he was overwhelmed by the importance of the moment. Maybe he wasn’t a lover after all. Maybe he wanted to fix broken women. Maybe he fixed broken women as a way to fix something in him.


“Excuse me,” Erica asked! Adam was being extra weird tonight. Their meeting of broken hearts was turning into a surprise ending of the Bachelor it seemed.

“Sorry, I was deep in thought. …..Well, if you don’t mind me. I need to get on home. I have a few loose ends to tie up from earlier. Thanks again for your time and presence. See you.”

“Next time, right” Adam added.

“Indeed,” Erica reached to hug Adam as they usually do to end their lonely hearts club. Broken hearts club.

Adam returned Erica’s hug and rushed to leave that space. He felt the need to free himself from any constraints. Being in Erica’s presence was always reassuring so he was unsure of where the need to forge a relationship with her came from.




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Love and Leave Them….

He loved with a reckless abandonment. With heavy emphasis on the abandonment. Love and leaving them was his forte’. If you proposed a length of stay that differed from his norm, he’d kiss you from your neck to your heart. Silently pleading for you to forgive him for being the him whom he has always been. He will then caress your womanhood in an attempt to make you forget your needs. Then, he leaves.

Daniel only did what felt natural to him. He knew nothing of love stories or the romantic notion of staying. He only understood what it felt to have wings that took him away. Away from chaos, accountability and situations and people he could not control.

You see, Daniel grew up in a poor neighborhood. He was one of five children born to a crack-addict mother and an absent father. His world has never been stable. Matter of fact, he wouldn’t recognize stable if it stared him in the face.

What Daniel was familiar with was survival. His survival instincts kept him alive this long and no little thing like love or a relationship will bamboozle him out of a better life for him and his siblings. Nothing or no-one will ever come in between him and his family.

Thus, Daniel did what was best for everyone involved. He came, he saw and he conquered. He enjoyed his time and he continued on his way. What more do they expect from one of the brightest and most successful stock brokers? There’s no time for love when success is the object. Love them and leave them.





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It was a delusion of grand proportions. To think that he would ever love me as I love him. Even if it were from afar. My heart exploded in pieces as I’d learned the truth. His truths.

His truths were centered, maybe rooted is a better word, in smoke and mirrors. He learned early in life that he could get further in life by providing everyone with what they wanted. While hiding the fact it was never what he wanted.

He was only in it for the thrill. He only wanted the experience. He fed off the many notches on his belt. They assured him relevance. Forget about love. This man needed to feel needed. He enjoyed the fanfare.

His charisma allowed him the grace that many men of greater caliber longed for. He was allowed many misgivings because he could charm his way out of it. His smile and flash of innocence made women question their own morals. How could you treat him any other way than with adoration?

Yet, he only cared about himself. A house full of mirrors just so he could adore himself. His heaven. His love. His fanfare. His truths.






“Why are you here Luretha? It’s been two years since I have last seen you. You waited until I hit the reset button in my life to want to come breezing back. As you normally do. My life was peaceful without you. And I was piecing everything together. Finally.”

Luretha sighed. She stared at his shoes. She then found the courage to glance around the room. The taupe and pastel blue on the walls not only provided a calm ambiance but also a sense of security.

How could she find the words to articulate her inner turmoil? The fact that her world stopped moving once he was no longer in it. That everything that mattered didn’t matter any longer because they were a part. How could she express her deep devotion to him without looking like a chump?

Luretha refocused on his shoes. They were very sharp looking. They gave him a sense of status. What she was inadequate in providing for him. Well, at least two years ago.

“I am tired of playing these love games with you. What on earth do you want? Do you want my heart to continue to bleed for a love that you refuse to give?” Chris continued to interrogate her. She not only cringed at his questions but found them delighting. At least she knew on some level he cared. Cared very deeply. The anger was used as a misguided ploy.

“I am a coward. Something of a monster too. Yet, I am only here because of my undying love for you.”

“If you are so in love, why did you leave me? Love stays. Love never runs away.” He stared at her intensely. He couldn’t believe her arrogance. The level of disregard for him and his feelings for her.

“I apologize for the pain I caused. I am no good in all honestly. Everyone focuses on what they want to see in me without seeing the real me. I left to ensure that I was okay never realizing I’d never be okay if I didn’t commit to you. That is my truth. I own it. And I am open to the consequences of leaving our love on the table like I did.”

He looked away. His gaze landed on the beautiful sky line as he allowed her words to consume him. As if her presence wasn’t enough to jar him back to the place he thought he’d left behind. He loved her with every fiber of his being. He just wanted to take care of her. Forever.

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The Dash is Most Important

Once upon a time, I used to write about it. At some point, it dawned on me, why write about it when you live it? This is your life. No fairytale. No happy endings. Each and every day, it’s about you and survival. There’s no Prince Charming involved. Just oxygen.

Each man had a particular aura that was unique to him. And that aura was essential while I was with him. His aura affected my experience with him. And as a result, I refused to kiss or engage in “real” intimacy with them.

What began as a means to an end transpired into a route out of poverty. A route out of shame. A route out of not being good enough. I utilized sex as a means to be better than the many generations before me.

The transaction of exchanging sex for money allowed me to pay cash for college. Not only have I obtained one college degree, I am currently working on a Masters Degree. While my means to an end is a Blessing and a Curse, I will obtain my Final degree in a couple of months.

Living a dual life is difficult as I often fear coming into contact with someone who may know me in my “real” life. However, what can I do? I am the youngest of three who grew up in poverty and a result of a crack-addicted mother. I have surpassed many dreams and fears. Specifically speaking of my first degree. The second degree is all me.

I will eventually be Naomi FNP. Such a long way from the mean streets of Baltimore. And definitely a long way from the scared young girl who just wanted to escape the prison that encapsulated her daily. There was no real love involved. Just a……..don’t be a burden.

Naomi sighed as she waited on her last John to finish in the bathroom. He’d been in there for a little over fifteen minutes now. She hoped he wasn’t getting high. At least, not without her. She enjoyed watching the men pleasure themselves prior to her pleasuring them. A high after a high was splendid. Indeed.

As Naomi began daydreaming, the bathroom door finally opened. While the hotel was a dump, she figured the bathroom was an escape from this dreary reality. The John had an unfamiliar look about him. Empty eyes.


“Naomi was the best sister I had. While she was my only sister, she was always there for me. And with me. I don’t have enough words to describe her. Just, that she wanted more than she was given. And because of that, she will always be my hero.”


Naomi 1990 – 2016





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