The Dash is Most Important

Once upon a time, I used to write about it. At some point, it dawned on me, why write about it when you live it? This is your life. No fairytale. No happy endings. Each and every day, it’s about you and survival. There’s no Prince Charming involved. Just oxygen.

Each man had a particular aura that was unique to him. And that aura was essential while I was with him. His aura affected my experience with him. And as a result, I refused to kiss or engage in “real” intimacy with them.

What began as a means to an end transpired into a route out of poverty. A route out of shame. A route out of not being good enough. I utilized sex as a means to be better than the many generations before me.

The transaction of exchanging sex for money allowed me to pay cash for college. Not only have I obtained one college degree, I am currently working on a Masters Degree. While my means to an end is a Blessing and a Curse, I will obtain my Final degree in a couple of months.

Living a dual life is difficult as I often fear coming into contact with someone who may know me in my “real” life. However, what can I do? I am the youngest of three who grew up in poverty and a result of a crack-addicted mother. I have surpassed many dreams and fears. Specifically speaking of my first degree. The second degree is all me.

I will eventually be Naomi FNP. Such a long way from the mean streets of Baltimore. And definitely a long way from the scared young girl who just wanted to escape the prison that encapsulated her daily. There was no real love involved. Just a……..don’t be a burden.

Naomi sighed as she waited on her last John to finish in the bathroom. He’d been in there for a little over fifteen minutes now. She hoped he wasn’t getting high. At least, not without her. She enjoyed watching the men pleasure themselves prior to her pleasuring them. A high after a high was splendid. Indeed.

As Naomi began daydreaming, the bathroom door finally opened. While the hotel was a dump, she figured the bathroom was an escape from this dreary reality. The John had an unfamiliar look about him. Empty eyes.

…………………………………………….

“Naomi was the best sister I had. While she was my only sister, she was always there for me. And with me. I don’t have enough words to describe her. Just, that she wanted more than she was given. And because of that, she will always be my hero.”

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Naomi 1990 – 2016

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#thedashisthemostimportant

#livelong

#livestrong

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Man Sharing

“Amanda”

“Amanda,” the young blonde called out, as Amanda gathered her purse and courage to greet the young lady. “Please fill out the following forms for the Man Sharing Program. Once you’re done, we’ll take you in the back to begin the full interview process.”

Amanda couldn’t believe her life had come to this. Things aren’t like they used to be back in the good old days, per her Great-great-grandmother, where you met someone, fell in love, and lived a life of love forever. Nowadays, in order to have love or maybe partnership is a better word, one must be willing to share her partner with others. Mainly women.

It is 2085 and things have changed greatly. Society is only dependent on relationships as a means of mating. Once the mating is complete and the children are sent to the care-takers until they are of age, the focus remains on ensuring that the society’s standards are upheld. The standards include: Protection; Productivity; Perfection; Pride; Passiveness.

The standards ensure that everyone remains on the same accord and the society sustains itself beyond Infinity. If that is even possible. After the last Great War, those in charge realized that it were better to weed out and eliminate internal threats to Nationalism. Many traps were utilized, mainly via social media, to bait and eventually kill those who threatened the basic standards of society. Out of the three hundred million people in this country, a hundred and seventy-five million internal threats were identified and annihilated during the span of a hundred years, give or take. Thus, while the population took a major hit, the remains are pro-society and passive toward ensuring the unity of what the country represents.

Amanda completed her interview and felt accomplished. While she was only 22 years of age, her parents strongly encouraged that she have two children prior to the age of 30, so that she can continue to fulfill her country’s duties. Somehow, when she was young, she was identified as having a remarkable math ability. This was relatively unheard of and Amanda became something of a spectacle from early on. The Parliament flagged her and she skipped many of the usual steps that children her age would follow. She is now a key member of Parliament and her parents are aware of the significance of her role.

“Amanda, we will contact you within one week regarding the results of this process. You will be matched with someone who will help you further enhance society’s needs if and when you procreate. Remember, this program is for procreation and to decrease chances of antinationalism. If you are interested in anything further, please re-consider utilizing this program. Thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day.”

Amanda left the center and headed to a little cafe’ to grab a snack before heading to the sleeping quarters to her cot. Because of the quest to purge internal threats, The Parliament removed all privacy rights to all citizens. Everyone is subjected to communal type living and working environments. One team. One dream. One life. There is no individuality, thus, the Man-Sharing Program. The Standards are set to ensure that the country gets the best out of each of its’ citizens.

“Amanda”

“Amanda”

“Amanda, wake up. Your cat-nap took a turn for the worst I see. You were sleep for two hours. Wake up, I love you. We have to attend the symphony concert tonight.” Amanda’s husband shook her gently. HIs wife seemed to have been lost in her sleep. As she slowly opened her eyes, she looked like she’d seen a ghost. He shook his head. He loved this woman too much.

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#short-story

#future

#fiction

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David

David ran with all of his might. He ran hard and fast because he was deep in the woods. The sweat pouring from the top of his head into his eyes could not persuade him to slow down and wipe his face. There was no time for that. All David could focus on was escaping the gun shots that seemed to keep following him.

Pow, pow, pow. David didn’t know if he were imagining things or if he could truly feel the bullets whizzing past his ears. Either way, he wasted little time attempting to figure it out.

As he ran faster and faster, all of a sudden, he woke up. David sat up in his bed drenching in sweat. He was tired of the nightmares. Even more so tired of his past that caused the nightmares.

David stared blankly at his bedroom wall for a minute. He looked at his alarm clock and it read 3:04 am. David shook his head and swung his feet out of the bed and onto the floor. Another day, another opportunity to prove that his past could not win.

Every night, the little sleep that he did get was interrupted by the nightmares. And every morning, just like clockwork, he woke up at three o’clock. Everyone was always impressed by his perseverance and diligence but what they did not know was that he exercised and practiced so early in the morning because his past wouldn’t allow him a proper rest. Unfair for your typical 15-year old.

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Baseball became David’s solace when he was young. After his parents were murdered, he initially abandoned the sport. Crushed by his emotions and the recurrent nightmares, he attempted to block out all that was familiar.

Pop. David positioned himself again perfectly in front of the pitching machine. Pop. He re-positioned himself. Pop. Baseball was David’s grace and saved him. It will always be his first love. Pop.

After an hour or so, David decided to hustle home to wash up for school. Although school allowed him an opportunity to play the sport he loved, he felt it were a necessary evil. School was too peopley. And they always wanted to “get to know him.” There was too much at stake when it came to getting to know other people. While they claimed they cared, their actions begged to differ.

……………………………………………….

As the lunch bell rang and ushered the students to their next class, David headed out for lunch. He’d found the perfect spot that would allow him time with his thoughts.

“David!”

David walked faster.

“David!!” Allison yelled. She wasn’t sure if he’d heard her but she wanted to be sure he did.

Allison was new to the school but had noticed David from the first day. He was an enigma of sorts. She’d never heard him speak and after asking around about him, she quickly learned that he didn’t talk. He was something of a mute. While others thought it was weird and overlooked it because of his outstanding baseball skills, Allison was intrigued.

Every teenager whom Allison knew was dying to be noticed and heard. David was the complete opposite. He seemed to disappear at many of the school functions or not attend. He never spoke in class. She never saw him speak to anyone at school. David fascinated Allison more than he frightened her.

“David,” Allison murmured. He disappeared rather quickly to her chagrin.

…………………………………………………

After Baseball practice, David hustled home. His Nana never interrogated him. She never forced him to speak to her. He appreciated every aspect about his Nana but just the fact that she showed him love more so than forcing him to hear about her love meant a lot to him.

While the nightmares always awaited him at night, his Nana’s Love always provided a buffer to his possible loneliness. The extent of his isolation grew each day as he sought to escape what happened at his childhood home several years ago.

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David was awakened by a scream. As he opened his eyes, he heard the scream again. His mother was screaming. David ran out of his room and peeped downstairs where he saw his parents on their knees in the living room. There were two masked men dressed in all black demanding his parents to tell them something. David noticed his farther’s silence, as his mother pleaded with the men.

As one of the men glanced toward David’s room, David quickly backed away from the door. He hid in the special spot in his room that he and his dad always talked about. David put his hands over his ears and remained still.

………………………………………………..

When David returned from his early morning baseball practice, Nana had eggs, grits and bacon waiting for him. He usually ate oatmeal before heading to school, so he appreciated the change in his routine for once. As he quickly ate, he listened to the news from the television in the other room. Nothing new but the day it seemed.

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Allison watched David walk to his locker. He was such a strange creature. She couldn’t fathom what went on inside of his head as he was nothing like anyone else she’d met before.

After being ignored the previous day, she figured this time she would just follow him. He never so much paid attention to his surroundings anyway, so she figured he wouldn’t notice that she was following him.

David put his things into his locker and headed to the nearest exit. When he reached outside, he looked left, then right and headed for the back of the school. There was a giant oak tree that he climbed and sat in. No-one ever noticed, as they were too in tune with themselves.

As Allison watched David climb the tree, she grinned with excitement as she couldn’t believe he was hiding in plain sight this entire time. She smacked her forehead absentmindedly.

David relaxed and closed his eyes as he listened to the birds chirp. While he could never find rest at night, the tree offered him a peace that was difficult to obtain other than baseball. Often times, he felt the presence of his mother while in the tree. Her overwhelming presence led him to go back day after day. Just to feel her comfort was all he needed to get through each day.

Instead of announcing her presence to David, Allison decided to watch him. He seemed to be taking a nap. Why would a teenager take a nap in a tree at school? Ugh, Allison grimaced, he’s such a strange creature.

………………………………………………

“David. I love you David. Your father and I miss you so very much. Just keep an eye on Nana, although I know she believes that she’s keeping an eye on you. Just know that we are watching over you and love you”

A tear fell from David’s eyes as his mother vanished and he was forced to go back into the building with people who would never understand him or all that he’s gone through. The amount of isolation he felt is why he refused to talk. What good would it do? How could talking bring his parents back? His father looked a gun in the eye and refused to speak. David refused to allow the world’s madness intrude in on his peace.

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#David

#mute

#ptsd

#mentalhealth

Isaiah 64:4

Silence

The room was empty, aside from the lone individual sitting in the chair. Sitting idly by the window in a room lit mostly by the sunlight. You could hear your heartbeat. That’s how quiet the room was. Inviting those, who so desired, an opportunity to delve into the most challenging parts of their minds.

Not many people are in tune with the quiet. The world clamors for attention-seekers and Chatty Cathies. Silence has always been the playground in which many avoided. Offering nothing but truth and peace. Maybe even a trap-door to the soul.

As odd as it was to sit in a room replete of silence, must it be equally as odd to have a mind empty of thoughts? A mind that focuses on the now. Not planning a long list of things to do or preoccupied with overthinking.

And so it goes, the lone individual sat and soaked up the here and now. Not over-stimulated or overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of life. **deep breath in** **deep breath out**

#mindfulness

#onedayatatime

#deepbreath

#slowgo

#hereandnow

Break-In

Neffy peered through the dingy windows of the building. Trying to get a sense of the potential danger level. It was deep into the night and she needed a safe place to crash until she figured things out. A good thing for her, the room in the building appeared empty. There were no cars visible outside anywhere, so she deduced that there was not a security guard on duty. Neffy made her way down the stairs to the door which led into a lower room of the building.

Only 18, Neffy learned a lot about life quick. She’d been picking locks since she was 10, so breaking into an unarmed building was no match for her skills. Neffy picked the lock and cracked the door. Her movements were slow and purposeful, as she did not want to sound an alarm.

Safe. She eased into the building and carefully made her way in, as not to bump into anything. She noticed a couch along the wall so she plopped down and placed her backpack on the ground. No time like the present was better for a nap.

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Neffy was awakened by bright lights shining on her face. She couldn’t make out anyone or anything in particular, as she tried to move her hand to shield her eyes from the flood of lights.

“Who is she?”

“Why is this Black B***h in here?”

“Does she not realize that she doesn’t belong in this area?”

“We ought to string her up as a reminder to stay off our property!”

Neffy cringed at the last comment. What had she gotten herself into? She realized that she couldn’t move. She looked to her left, then her right and realized that she was tied down to something. A table or something. She felt woozy, almost drunk. Neffy knew she was sober when she broke into the building. How could she feel inebriated?

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A Negro couple smiled brightly as they held their baby girl up to the sunlight to make the sun jealous of her beautiful skin. Slavery had stripped the joyous couple of many things but a baby girl was a gift. A love offering to quieten the spirits of the enslaved couple.

They were brought to a new land with no warning. After being chained, whipped, spat upon and even forced to avoid eye contact, the couple had found each other. They found a love that felt like home in one another. That love had resulted in the birth of a beautiful baby girl whom they named: Nefertiti.

Nefertiti had beautiful eyes and a glow about her skin that her parents were fond of. However, their pride did not shield them from the harsh realities that they would not be able to protect their baby girl from this new world. A world that stripped them of their language. Stripped them from their family. Stripped them from everything that they’d ever known.

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#perspective

#break-in

#daybreak

Intervention

Emily groaned, “ugh why is he acting like this?” She mumbled mostly to herself considering she was the only one in her office. While others worked their Monday blues away, Em couldn’t get him off of her mind. She mulled over what could’ve gone wrong.

However, from the outside looking in, Em could never see that she’d gotten closest to his heart than anyone else. As a result, he hid it. He was afraid of losing his heart and himself to someone who would eventually hurt him.

It was difficult for him to be with her because the feelings that she illicited in him were new to him. He was learning to trust himself and his feelings. Which was much more of a difficult process than the fairytales made children believe.

Teaching a Man how to Love was no easy task and definitely not for the faint at heart. Men were taught early on how to be chivalrous. They were taught willpower. They were shown to be strong yet silent. Love was not necessarily a requirement to be successful.

Emily was lost in her thoughts as she pondered if he were in love with someone else. Relationships were not her forte. She was better at numbers and dinner parties. Love required a different vulnerability that she constantly battled. “Never let them see you sweat,” her parents often said.

As the Angel thought long and hard on how to intertwine these two lonely hearts, a brilliant idea occurred. The Angel realized that this would be easier than he’d initially thought. As he set-up a series of events, he conferred with God that their hearts were open. And Walah.

Emily’s cell phone dinged, clamoring for her attention. As she read the text message from her mother, she began to panic. Her heartbeat quickened in pace as she read, “Em we just took your dad to the emergency room. It looks like he may have had a heart attack but we can’t be certain of that now. Please don’t panic. I will keep you updated as soon as we know what’s going on. Please don’t rush here. I’ll be in touch. Love you Em’s💋.”

Em leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She couldn’t fathom her life without her dad. God knew what he was doing when he paired her with him because he’s the only one who truly understands her. Her dad gets her and her life would be so different without him in her life. Especially now.

Em realized that she was no-good on this good Monday and decided to head home. She gathered her things and quickly sent an e-mail to her boss to give him a heads up that she was headed out for the day. It’s always a good thing when your work ethic speaks volumes. Em headed toward the door and to her home where her bed awaited her.

…………………………………………….

Em awoke suddenly from what seemed to be a nightmare and instantly checked her phone. She realized that she’d missed several texts, mostly from family. Her mom text that her dad was doing well and it was a false alarm. He suffered a panic attack, which caused her to sigh in relief.

Her mom mentioned the doc said he would be fine and prescribed psychotropic medication. A Dr. Ellis. Em’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she threw her phone down. She wanted to contact her mom but was afraid she’d mention that she was in love with the good doctor so she refrained.

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The Angel giggled to himself as he realized how easy it was to get humans emotionally aroused. Only if Em surrendered to God, would she realize how easy her love-life could be. As God exemplifies a pure and perfect love. Oh the humans.

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😎

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#life

#humans

#firstworldproblems

#faith

#love

#fiction

At night

“Have you always been afraid?”

“Yes, I suppose I have.”

“When did you first realize it?”

I glanced down, attempting to avoid all eye contact. As much as possible. My eyes, burning a hole into my corduroy pants. I began biting the edge of my thumb, in an attempt to control the angst at which the question prompted.

“I suppose around the age of seven or eight, I honestly can not remember the exact time frame.”

I continued to avoid eye contact and chewed on my thumb as if I hadn’t eaten since I was born. It’s weird the things you begin to notice once you’re in total silence. I could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall. Tick. Tick. Tick. As each second seemed to take longer and longer to pass.

“Do you think there was one thing or any particular event to prompt the fear?”

Gosh, so many peering questions. As if I had not considered the answers many times before. Yet, I stammered, “no, nothing in particular.”

I could feel his eyes boring into me. As if analyzing my answers and dissecting my truths.

“I’ve always been afraid of the dark. That’s when the monsters come out.” I said in a quiet voice.

He sighed and shifted in his seat.

“Indeed, the darkness has a way of hiding many ills and releasing our inner most demons.”

I pondered that and slowly nodded in agreement. As I continued to bite my thumb, I glanced out the window and realized the sun had gone down. I considered my options regarding how to get through this night. Similar to the nights before this, I lie awake in fear.

“The monsters are out.”

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#monsters

#fiction